Can't Escape Myself
by Meridian31
Summary: "When is a monster not a monster?" "When you love it." / Demon!Finn AU story.
1. Chapter 1

_Arms wide open, I stand alone.  
I'm no hero, and I'm not made of stone.  
Right or wrong, I can hardly tell.  
I'm on the wrong side of heaven, and the righteous side of hell._

When you met Finn, he had been the definition of a total sweetheart. You'd been at a bar/restaurant with friends, at the bar part, of course. While waiting to order your drink, you'd been smashed into by some random. Finn had been the one to steady you on your feet and ask if you were OK. That had led to chit-chat, then to a conversation, and on to your group sitting with his group to enjoy the night.

He'd been practically bashful when he asked you out on your first date, and equally adorable throughout the occasion.

As you got to know Finn, you found him entirely endearing and enjoyed listening to him tell stories of his life in Ireland and his travels for wrestling. When you spoke about your own life, his gaze never left your face, and he always had questions to ask of you. There was a gentleness to him, from his voice to his eyes to his smile. He made you feel safe, supported, wanted.

The months passed easily, with the two of you seeing each other with every opportunity. Finn traveled for work, but on average, you were together most nights of the week. It alternated between your place and his.

Not long after your one year anniversary, you decided to move in together officially. It took a bit of searching but you both finally agreed on a nice house in Florida to call yours. Combining your lives had taken time, coordination, patience, arguing, and apologizing. But within a few weeks, a routine was established. Happiness was the only thing you felt when you looked around your living room, pictures of the two of you and people you loved scattered around.

Things were going great, but great couldn't last forever.

It was one night when you couldn't sleep after a long day at work that you found yourself tossing and turning in bed. Venting to Finn had felt good, but it hadn't made the stresses of the day go away. He was asleep beside you, and you were jealous. With a sigh, you curled your arms around the pillow, looking at his sleeping face. He was downright _beautiful_ , and even though that wasn't a popular descriptor for men, it fit him in all the right ways.

Suddenly, his eyes snapped open, directly with yours. You startled, not at all expecting it; he had been sound asleep after all. What made him wake up? You were moving around a bit sure, but nothing that should have roused him.

You noticed his normally bright blue eyes weren't the same. They were dark, practically black, blending into the atmosphere of the room. But there was a glow to them, as though there were embers in the middle among ashes.

"Sorry if I woke you," you whispered. At first, he made no acknowledgment that he'd heard you. And then slowly, in an almost methodical fashion, he lifted his head from the pillow it had been on, leaning in towards you. Your breath caught at his actions, unsure what he was doing.

"Sleep, love." His voice was rough, deep, a tone you'd never heard before. Then again, he had just woken up.

"Trying to," you replied, as his face came to hover just above yours. There was an almost…inquisitive nature about his gaze on you. "Finn–"

"Hush," he cut you off. Your mouth closed immediately. "Sleep."

"It's not that simple," you said, your voice barely audible even in the silence.

"It is." His eyes, despite their odd coloring, were practically hypnotic. His words were less of a comfort, and more of a command. With a sound kiss placed on your lips, he smoothly laid himself back down, before pulling you into his body. His arms were tight around you, holding you on your side to him.

Sleep came to you eventually after that, Finn's grasp on you not giving you much choice in your position.

After that, there were various other brief moments where Finn didn't look or seem like _your Finn_ , but you brushed them away. Everyone had their days where they were off or unlike their typical selves. It was human nature.

But then there was the one night in June where you learned, it wasn't entirely human nature after all.

It wasn't even human.

You were out with Finn and some of the other wrestlers he was friends with and their significant others. Noam was being pushy with the alcohol, leading you to taking shots, something you weren't the biggest fan of. But the Scot was persuasive to a fault. So after about two hours of being there, sharing drinks and laughter, you were by definition drunk.

This led to your need to find the ladies' restroom sooner rather than later. Sliding off your chair, you laid a sloppy kiss on the top of Finn's head, before walking off towards a back hallway. There was a lit up sign above the entrance way that indicated you were going in the right direction for what you needed. You pushed through the swinging door, finding yourself in a long hallway with doors on either side. When the door shut, the bar sounds faded into background noise.

There was surprisingly no line at either restroom, and you easily enough made your way into the women's. It took a few moments for you to be able to finagle your shorts down enough, but you were eventually successful. There was an equal struggle in redressing yourself, and you rechecked yourself in the mirror a few times to make sure everything was lying as it should.

Upon leaving the restroom, you smacked right into a solid body of a man. He grabbed at you to steady you as you wobbled in your shoes, your own hands flailing before one found a grip on him, the other on the wall.

"Shit! I'm sorry!"

"You a'ight?" Once you got your bearings and senses back about you, you let go of your grip on him. Looking up, you smiled slightly, apologetically.

"Yea, I'm good. Thanks. Sorry about that." You expected him to let go of you with your words, but he didn't. Instead, he looked down at you, having a number of inches in a height advantage. His eyes scanned over you, making you feel entirely uncomfortable.

"Let me get you a drink," he offered.

"I'm good, thanks," was your terse response, as you attempted to step backward from him. Unfortunately, this put you right up against the wall, next to the bathroom door. The man continued to stand within inches of you, one of his hands letting go of you, the other staying on your forearm. He still had you blocked from the exit by his body.

"Just one. As an apology for knockin' into you," the man insisted, a smile spreading on his face. You assumed he was going for charming, but he landed on creepy.

"I'd rather not. I have a drink waiting at my table," you stated. You didn't want to be one of those girls who had to throw around the 'I have a boyfriend' card, but you weren't beneath it either. Why couldn't this guy just accept your answer and be done with it? The alcohol he had clearly consumed, based on his leering smile and eyes, probably wasn't helping his comprehension of your words.

"Well, you can get back to that _eventually_ ," he said, his thumb rubbing on your skin where his hold was. You repressed the urge to shudder at the feeling.

"Let go of me, and we'll go our separate ways," you ordered, trying to make your tone authoritative. You weren't sure if you succeeded, and then you were positive you hadn't, as his grip remained near your wrist.

"Just…"

"She said, **let her go**."

You knew that voice. Well…sort of. It sounded like Finn, but it wasn't quite the same. The tone was harsh, the bass lower, raspier.

And then suddenly the man was no longer holding on to you. He was ripped away and thrown against the opposing wall, the thud of his body as it hit echoing in the hallway. By the time you realized what was happening, only Finn's back was to you. You knew now it was him based on his clothes; the same black dress shirt with sleeves rolled up, skinny jeans, and sneakers.

"What the fuck man!" It was the last thing the stranger was able to say, as Finn's hand went to his throat. The man grabbed at Finn's grip, scratching with his nails, digging in with his fingers. But Finn seemed entirely unaffected by it. If anything, he put more strength into his hold. You could see the change in color of the man's face and neck, a whiteness starting to wash over his skin.

"Finn! FINN!" You weren't as coordinated as you wanted to be, but the situation had put some precision in your actions. Lurching forward, you grasped at his shoulders and attempted to pull him back, get him away from the man he was effectively choking.

Without breaking his grip on the man, his head turned and his eyes met yours.

They weren't the blue you knew and loved. They were the same darkened but fiery shade from so many weeks ago. His face itself was…sharper. His cheekbones were more defined, his brow ridge harsher in some way. The veins in his neck were entirely visible, coming from beneath his shirt and disappearing underneath his jaw. He was still beautiful, but hauntingly so.

"Go."

You were frozen in your spot, your hands still gripping at his back. This was…not your Finn. And you couldn't tell yourself this was just an _off day_. It was an off situation, but it was a public situation as well. He had been perfectly fine minutes ago, and now he was…not.

You didn't know what was happening. But it wasn't normal and it needed to be stopped.

"Finn…" Your voice was a whimper in the hallway. "Please. Just…come with me."

"He was hurting you." Finn's voice was more of a growl than anything, as he turned his head back around to set his sights on the man. The man, who was losing color fast, was still struggling as best he could against the grip Finn had on his neck.

"I'm…he wasn't, Finn! I promise! I'm fine! Look at me, I'm right here, I'M OK!" you pleaded, desperation fueling your words, your fingers pushing further into his shoulders. Tears were filling your eyes as the panic fully set in. "Please, Finn, let him go! We'll…we'll leave, OK? We can just go and get home and just…we'll be fine there, OK? **PLEASE**!"

Finn continued to stare down the man, who was thrashing less and less in his hold as the moments passed, clearly losing oxygen, and consciousness. You could see the flex of the muscles in Finn's arm and hand, indicating the tightness of his grip.

"Finn! You have to let him go! You're killing him!"

Your words were like a trigger. Immediately, Finn let go of the man, and you watched as he fell to the floor in a heap. You felt an odd sense of relief as you watched him sucking in deep breaths, his own hands now the ones at his throat. Finn stepped backward, forcing you to also do so. You were essentially pinned to the opposing wall by his body, entirely hidden from view, and barely able to see the man on the floor anymore.

"Get up and go." Finn's voice still held that raspy undertone as he commanded the man. The man shakily got to his feet, using the wall for support, and without sparing either of you a glance, stumbled as fast as he could out of the hallway.

With the way you were pressed into by Finn, you could feel his rapid breathing, the tension of his muscles. You both stood quietly in the hallway, the muffled sounds of the bar seeming miles away to you at that moment. You willed your hazy mind to understand what you'd just witnessed, what had just occurred. Finn had snapped on that man, had been ready to kill that man. He had been a scary, inverted version of himself.

There were several more still moments until you noticed Finn take a deep breath, and only then did he slowly turn around to face you. He no longer looked any different in the face, aside from a coloring on his cheeks from what you guessed was anger. Had you imagined the change in his appearance? Had the alcohol and panic made you see things that weren't true?

No. You saw what you saw. A late-night different coloring of eyes was one thing. But his entire face had been morphed. Something was off. Finn was...you weren't sure what, honestly. And that worried, _alarmed_ , you more than anything.

"Are you OK?"

"…y…yea." You hated the shakiness of your voice. His hands came up to your face, obviously planning to sooth you. But you couldn't stop yourself from flinching as soon as his skin touched yours. Your reaction immediately registered with him, evidenced by his eyebrows drawing downward, a frown coming to his mouth. He didn't move his hands however, keeping them where they cradled your cheeks.

"It's OK, it's done," Finn calmed you, apparently reading your behavior as the aftershock from the man's intrusion, not realizing it wasn't entirely due to that.

"I…Finn… _what was that_?" Your question was a harsh whisper, which only made his facial expression deepen further in its negative connotation.

"What was what? That guy? I don't know. You tell me," he replied, his thumbs rubbing over your cheekbones lightly. You reached up with your own hands, gripping his wrists, ceasing his movement.

"That, was just some drunk idiot. But you…." There was no way you could finish your sentence, unable to formulate your thoughts. You wanted to ask him about what you'd witnessed, confront him about his behavior and _change_ , but you couldn't even begin to find the words to do so. Would he even tell you? Would he fly into another rage, but this time at you?

Based on the way Finn's face went blank, and he all but balked, you could tell he knew what you were attempting to get at.

"Let's go home, yea? We'll talk there," he stated, removing his hands from you, causing your own hands to let go of him. He took a step back from you, awaiting your response.

You hesitated in giving an answer. And you hated that you did. This was your boyfriend of almost two years, the man you shared a home with. Why would you not trust him?

Oh. Right. Because there was obviously something going on with him that would most likely require a long-winded explanation. And you didn't know if it was an explanation you could handle.

"Come home with me, **please**. I promise I'll tell ya whatever ya need to know," Finn implored, his eyes searching yours.

With the tiniest of nods, you gave your answer. Finn grabbed your hand in his, leading you out of the hallway, past a handful of people attempting to gain access to the same space. You were grateful those people had not come moments earlier.

You didn't really hear what Finn told your friends about why you were leaving, and just stood idly by as he spoke. Whatever it was, seemed to be accepted without argument, as you found yourself within minutes on the sidewalk. He handed you your clutch, before slipping on the suit coat he'd taken off hours earlier. Finn hailed one of the many waiting cabs, and you ducked into the back without prompting.

The car ride was quiet between the two of you. You pressed yourself up against your door, your gaze never leaving the outside world as it whipped past. Finn didn't reach out to you, didn't move closer, kept the middle gap wide between the two of you.

Every mile closer to home made your anxiety rise higher. Would this be your last night with Finn? Were you prepared to hear whatever he had to tell you? What in the actual fuck was going on, anyways? The possibilities were endless really. His behavior, you could explain that away as an overprotective boyfriend. But try as you did, you couldn't come up with a rational reason for why he had looked practically inhuman.

Soon enough you were in the driveway of your house. You said nothing as you opened the door and headed up to the front. Finn came moments later, as you heard the cab leave your place. You stood to the side as he opened the door, allowing you to enter first. It was pure routine that had you going into the kitchen, throwing your clutch down onto the counter. Balancing one hand on the ledge, you slid out of your heels, pushing them to the side.

Finn was at the fridge, his suit jacket now over the back of one of the counter chairs. He took out two water bottles, offering you one. You took it from him but didn't open it, setting it down in front of yourself. It was hard to keep looking at him, and your eyes kept drifting back down.

"Should we…go to the living room?" Standing around in the kitchen to have this conversation didn't feel right.

"Uh, yea, yea, sure." You left your water bottle and turned, walking across the room and down the hall to the living room. Finn was shuffling behind you, based on the sounds you heard. But as you continued into the room, he apparently stopped at the entrance. Looking over your shoulder, your assumption was confirmed. The both of you just stared at one another, no words being spoken, as you turned fully to face him.

The silence was overwhelming, the tension practically palpable. Finn continued to stand near the doorway, his body stiff in an uncomfortable way. He almost looked like he was ready to bolt from the room at any moment if necessary.

You had so many questions, and you didn't know where to start. You weren't sure what words to use, how to get the information you wanted. Would he even tell you the whole truth? There was a feeling in your gut that your world, your life, had been flipped on its head tonight. And you really didn't like that feeling.

"What happened at the bar?" It seemed like a safe question to ask, open enough for him to give you whatever information he was comfortable in giving to start.

"Didn't like what was happenin' to ya." You swallowed the sigh that you wanted to give at his answer. He was avoiding. It didn't surprise you, but you had hoped at this point everything would just be put out in the open. So maybe you'd have to be the one to bite the bullet, so to speak, and be direct.

"I appreciate that. But that wasn't _you_ stopping it, was it?"

His eyes immediately left yours and went to the floor. He crossed his arms over his chest and said nothing. If you hadn't been watching him, you probably would have missed the subtlest of nods he made with his head.

"Finn, Jesus, you have to tell me what's going on! Don't I deserve that much?" Your anger was a surprise even to you in that moment. It probably had something to do with the alcohol still flowing in your blood, amplifying your fear and frustration.

"You deserve so much more than any this," was his response.

"Stop being cryptic! Tell me what happened tonight. Tell me what's been happening for weeks. I've noticed weird moments, but I didn't think they were anything but that: _moments_. And then tonight…. Finn, please, be honest with me. **Please**. What is this? What's going on?!"

"It's…." He stopped whatever he was going to say, unfolding his arms. He ran one over his face, his beard, and then let them both fall to his sides. Leaning against the wall, he put his head fully back, his eyes closing. You watched as he stayed in that position for some moments, not speaking, just breathing.

"I'm not entirely…human."

" _What_?"

While you'd had wild thoughts and ideas that would explain Finn's odd behavior, hearing him actually say it felt unreal to you. It was one thing to wonder and muse over possibilities, but having them confirmed…. You were pretty sure your heart was about to beat out of your chest with anxiety and uncertainty.

"There's…half of me…I'm…." Your breath was stuck in your chest as you waited for him to finish his thought. "I'm part demon, too." His eyes opened then, as he tilted his head back down to be able to watch you, as you heard the information.

You took in a shaky breath, if only out of physical necessity. How was this happening? You had to be in a dream or an alternative reality.

"What? You gonna tell me the Boogeyman is real too?"

"Well, there's more than one thing that ya could be meanin'," Finn answered, the picture of seriousness.

His answer, so solemn and earnest, wiped all joking nature from you, your body stiffening.

"…Finn…you're fucking with me, _right_?" It was a hopeless question, and you knew the answer already, but you couldn't stop yourself from grasping at the chance.

He looked sad as he shook his head ever so slightly. Your breathing stuttered again as the weight of the situation settled down on you, as you fully understood he wasn't kidding. You all but fell backward onto the couch, your eyes wide, your mind racing with the knowledge you were learning. Your hand gripped at the couch cushion beside you, in an attempt to ground yourself in some way.

Finn was a Demon. The character he played sometimes in the ring was an actual, real part of him. It wasn't just an idea he had; it was _him_. Which meant, overall, there were other things in this world that weren't human too probably. Things you couldn't even fathom, most likely.

"I'm… I'm not…." Finn was clearly struggling with his thoughts, looking almost pained by them. With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes again. "I'm a monster."

"You are not." Your answer was automatic. There was no way your kind, animal-loving, Lego-building, dork of a boyfriend was a monster.

"I _am_ ," he argued. His shoulders hunched forward, as though he had been broken by his own confession, as it had not been one he wanted to make. "I'm not what… Oh sweetheart, if ya only knew." You had the urge to go and hug him, but something told you he wanted to keep the distance in the room right then.

But now, you had a million questions.

Part of you didn't want to ask any of them. Part of you wanted to flee the house. Your boyfriend wasn't what you thought he was, not by a long shot. Everything you knew of demons from books, TV shows, movies, wasn't good. You _had_ to be at risk living with him.

Then again, you couldn't be. He'd been with you for so long now, and you had never felt anything negative from him. There were disagreements, arguments, but those happened in relationships. You'd never once felt threatened by him. So maybe this… _evil half_ of him didn't have as much power over him as his human half.

His human half. What a weird, surreal thing to have to think about your boyfriend.

You decided Finn deserved for you to let him speak his peace on this matter. You'd been together for too long for you to just bolt on him. He was obviously having enough difficulty with the situation. The fact that he'd kept it hidden for so long spoke volumes about his intentions, you felt. And maybe if you knew more, you'd feel less freaked out. There was an almost morbid curiosity that you had overall about the situation.

"So…how does one…uh, become a half-demon then?" You figured his origin was a good place to start in your search for understanding.

"My mam is also a demon." Your mouth opened slightly at his disclosure. You'd met Finn's mom at many shows, talked to her plenty of times through Facetime. She had been the kindest, sweetest woman you'd probably ever known. There was no way she had an evil bone in her body.

"How….?"

"She's had hundreds of years to control herself," he explained, an uneasy smile on his mouth. "Longer than I have."

Finn went on to explain how the balance of the good and evil of the worlds worked; the humans and _The Others_ , as he called them. He told you about how around four hundred years ago a change had been made in the Evil Realm Rulebook essentially, allowing evil beings to live good lives should they choose, without repercussions. He explained how so few had made that choice, but his mother had been one, having already had a sweet spot for his father. It was somewhat confusing as he told you about how the Others could in some way transform their chosen mates, keeping them alive so long as they were. You didn't argue though, deciding to accept the information as to why his parents were both still around for you to meet. It wasn't like you knew any better than he did of this other world's ways.

He told you about growing up as a normal human until his eighteenth birthday when The Other part of him had been made known to him. How he had learned he had abilities, though he didn't specify what they were exactly. Finding out that moment had been almost two hundred years ago for him was a hard pill to swallow. An even harder piece of information to understand was finding out the awful things he had done afterward.

There was clear remorse in Finn's tone and agony on his face as he told you about spending almost one hundred years fully embracing his demonic nature, killing people and causing mayhem amongst many. That was when he had been given the name Bálor, as a means to connect with his evil side and belong in the Others' World. He made no excuses for his behavior, stating he had made his choices on his own.

You were pretty sure there were tears in his eyes as he told you about returning home to his parents, telling them of his exploits, and having to mend those fences. His mother had passed little judgment, having led her own awful life at one point. His father had taken time to come to terms, having long hoped his good human-side would have kept Finn from ever experiencing the negative parts of himself.

Through his entire account, he remained against the wall, and you stayed on the couch. The more he spoke, the more answers you got. But the more questions you developed as well.

"So, how can something that's inherently evil decide not to be?"

"It's…the same way a human who's born realizes they aren't the _norm_. When a human realizes that they should be one way, but aren't. You're born a girl, but ya feel good as a boy. People say ya should have an attraction to the opposite sex, but ya don't. It can happen for Others too. Just because you're made in one way, doesn't mean ya _are_ that way. It's not common, but it happens."

That made sense, you supposed.

"…how…how are you still…." You trailed off, realizing your inquiry would sound rather harsh most likely.

"How am I still alive?" Finn asked your question for you, a tiny smile on his face as you nodded hesitantly. "Immortality. And, it's not as fun as it has been made to seem."

"OK. But, like, you're…you've had hundreds of years…. And you're just way _too damn hot_ to be that old."

Finn's laughter was music to your ears. You took in the way his mouth opened with the sound, his eyes closed briefly, crinkles at their edges. When he looked at you, he still had a genuine smile on his face. The moment pushed some of the uncomfortableness from the room, as you couldn't stop your own small smile from forming to his reaction.

"It's…it's just a part of the demon, I suppose," he stated. "I can…I have power over how I look when it comes to my human part, my appearance."

"So what you just…stay 30-something forever?"

"No. Not at all. I make sure I age the same as any," Finn clarified. "And then when I feel I've run my course in my life, I go somewhere new, and start again."

"I was there when you got your driver's license, Finn," you pointed out. There was no way he could just start a new life and it went smoothly for him each time, without some legal hang-up. He may have knowledge of another world, but in the real human world, things like that mattered.

"Ya were," he agreed. "But knowing what ya know now, do you really believe every person who works for the government is human? Honestly?"

He had a good point with that one.

Taking a shaky breath, you acknowledged how overwhelming this all was. There were so many other questions you wanted to ask, knowledge you needed to gain regarding this whole situation. While his clarifications so far had made sense, as much sense as talk of demons and other worlds could, you still felt uneasy.

In the span of a few hours, you'd learned that your live-in boyfriend was half-demon, half-human. The demon half of him was hundreds of years old and had killed people. The human half of him was living with that guilt and had lived at least two full lives at this point probably.

"Wait. Why do you use Bálor in the ring then? Is that…when you wrestle… Who _is_ wrestling?"

"It's me," Finn confirmed. "Mostly. It's…sometimes it's hard to keep the demon down, so to speak. So some of that…aggression comes out in the ring. And that's also why I wear the face paint when I wrestle. In case…in case more of Bálor comes out than I intended to."

"That seems like a dangerous game to play," you assessed, your eyebrows lifting.

"Hasn't been an issue yet," was his response. "Like I said, I'm learning still to not let Bálor have control. But sometimes, that's tiring. Sometimes it's better to give myself a reprieve, I guess. But I also want to someday not have to do that. And practice makes perfect, yea?"

"So…before this life, before wrestling, where were you?"

"Ireland. Stayed there and hid amongst my family and Others that understood," Finn said. "And then I decided to try livin' a human life, around actual other humans. Wrestling just…I've always enjoyed it for what it is. And it seemed a good place for someone like me to go and be able to figure this out." You nodded a bit to show you'd heard him, and waited for him to go on.

"I went to Japan to escape all the things I'd done in the rest of the world. To try and forget. But…it wasn't that easy. Those memories, they stayed with me. I can't…." He trailed off, apparently unable to fully explain the burden he was bearing.

You couldn't imagine what it was like, to have two parts to yourself, and entirely opposing parts at that. Having to live with the knowledge that you'd done horrible things to undeserving people…and that you really hadn't had to…. You were amazed at Finn's resilience in that moment. For all the bad, he had been the most wonderful person you'd ever known in your time with him. You'd never had any indication that this part of him existed, and that said a lot about his strength of character.

"Waking up next to ya…those were the first moments I didn't feel… _evil_ ," he admitted, his eyes coming up to meet yours, a bittersweet smile gracing his face. "You…ya never knew that part of me. And I just…uh, bein' with ya, I thought maybe I'd finally found the person that would keep it all away."

"That's why when I said you were killing him, you stopped," you realized. Finn nodded in solemn agreement.

"I don't…that's not who I am, not anymore, not really. And I never, _never_ want ya to see me like that either," he replied. "That… _monster_ has no place with you."

"When is a monster not a monster?" Your question wasn't for him to answer; you both knew he didn't _have_ an answer. "When you love it."

"You can't–"

"I **can** ," you cut him off. "So there's this…this weird, different, not-so-great part to you. It's…Finn, we've…." You trailed off, attempting to gather your thoughts, figure out how to explain this to him. Taking a deep breath, you stood up from the couch, making your way to him. Once you reached him, you brought you hand up, gingerly placing it on his cheek, your eyes searching his.

"I've had you in my life for _many months_ at this point. This…this other part of you…if you've kept this hidden this long, then clearly you are in control of it." You paused, trailing your hand down his face, his neck, resting it finally on his shoulder. You put your other hand on his chest, your fingers gripping his shirt. He remained still, his hands at his sides.

"And it's not...you're not a monster. You can't be. A monster…a monster would have let this other part of you run the show and make all the choices, but you **didn't**. You stopped that so long ago. So…I love you, handsome. I love you, all of you. And we'll…it'll take some time, but we'll make this work just fine."

"You don't understand," Finn stated, his voice soft, almost like he was devastated to disagree. "That _other part of me_? He's not goin' to go away. And…yes, I have kept it managed around you. But…the more I love ya, the more I know ya…the more _he_ knows ya too."

"OK? And?"

An almost amused smile flittered across Finn's face at your response. Maybe you sounded naïve, but you weren't seeing the threat in this situation.

"I…I can keep that part of me…keep Bálor away. But…by the standards of demons, I'm still _young_. And I'm still…learning." You could only imagine what you looked like at that moment; concerned, confused, conflicted. "There's still… OK, tonight, for example. Seeing ya in a bad situation…I couldn't stop the switch. I'm still not able to always _have control_. Especially not for the woman I love."

"Am…am I in danger?"

His silence was the answer you hadn't wanted. There was no way he didn't see the fear flicker in your eyes.

"I would **never** hurt ya on purpose," Finn avowed, finally moving to touch you, resting his hands lightly on your sides. "And, neither would Bálor. Not a chance. But…when I'm him, when he's in control…collateral damage. That's what I worry about."

"Well, that's my choice to make, to put myself in that position."

"No. I can't let–"

"I'm sorry. Did you just say _let_?" you cut him off. "Oh no, sweetheart. There has never been and will never be a 'let' in this relationship. I'm making this decision, Finn. You either accept it or you don't, but it's mine to make."

The way his lips pursed every so lightly indicated he seemed irritated by your declaration. But he also accepted it without argument, apparently remembering who he was talking to and that your stubborn streak was a country mile wide.

"I just have one request," you said, looking up to him, making sure his eyes were with yours.

"What's that?"

"I want to meet Bálor. See? See Bálor? I don't know the verbs here. But…I want to know that half of you, the _whole_ of you, not just the glimpses I've seen so far."

"Absolutely not."

"Finn," you placated him, trailing your hands down then back up his torso lightly. "You have to let me in, one-hundred percent in. If I'm with _you_ , then for all intents and purposes, I'm also with him. And just in case…in case things go sideways, shouldn't I know what this all really entails?"

"I don't want ya to meet him. I never want ya to look at me and see him."

"Sweetheart, I already _have_ ," you highlighted. "Just not entirely. And, I think it's important that I do."

Finn was quiet after that, with your request which was more a demand, hanging between the two of you. His eyes went from yours to over your face, down your body as much as he could see, before coming back up to your eyes. You remained stoic, serious, trying to convince him of your words with your posture. You meant what you said, and you **needed** this. It was just a matter of convincing him.

"I just…that part of me…he…." Finn let his thought die off, ending it with a sigh. His head fell gently forward, his forehead resting against yours. You closed your eyes, his already closed, breathing in his exhale.

You understood this was hard for him, appreciated that he wasn't trying to be reckless with his life where you were concerned. But you also genuinely needed to know him, _all_ of him, in order for any of this to be OK, in any way. You had to entirely see and feel and know the man you shared your life with.

"Please, Finn," you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as tightly as possible. "Trust me. Trust _yourself_."

There was a tingling feeling rushing through your body as you felt each breath he took, awaiting his response. His fingers gripped tighter at your hips, anchoring you to him. This was do or die time. And quite possibly, that could be a literal thing.

"OK." The air rushed out of your body at his agreement, your heart rate speeding up.

"…OK." Opening your eyes, you moved your head away from his, being able to see his entire face. "I want this to happen now."

"I figured," he muttered, his own eyes staying closed. "Just…if…for any reason, if you don't feel _right_ , I want you to go. Run. Get out of here. Do you understand?"

"Finn, it'll be fi– "

"Do you understand?" He repeated his question, a force in his tone.

"Yes…."

"…fair then."

You waited, your fingers tight in his shirt, your breathing changing pace, your heart skipping beats at random.

And just when you thought he wasn't going to follow through, his eyes snapped open.

They weren't blue.

* * *

 _This was Part 1 of 2._


	2. Chapter 2

_So trust me, trust me, darling dear.  
I'm so sincere, there's no need to tear.  
Trust me, trust me  
Darling, do.  
Just like I trust you._

 _So don't cry, crybaby,  
All dressed in green.  
How many kisses do you need?  
One for your tummy,  
One for your cheek,  
One for the devil inside of me._

Marilyn Monroe once said "Fear is stupid. So are regrets".

Marilyn Monroe, you decided, had definitely never faced a demon before. And certainly not a demon that was half of the personality that made up the man she loved.

Half of the person? You didn't even know anymore how to classify this whole situation. Was this a split personality deal? You were not a psychologist, but didn't one personality not usually know about the other? … The other. How appropriate.

Once you'd seen the change in Finn's eyes, you'd closed your own, tilting your head downward. Your hands were resting just above his belt on his lower stomach, and you were trying to keep them from trembling. His hands remained on your sides, holding you in place.

This had been your idea, and you did truly want to meet Bálor. But Finn's final words to you before he'd agreed to this, of imploring you to run if needed, left your nerves frazzled. There was no reason for him to say that unless you were at risk in some way.

Finn had spoken a lot about still being young, at least by Others' standards, and of still having some control issues. While he'd said he would never intentionally hurt you, you worried about the unintentional. What if his control wasn't as great as he thought? What if you said something wrong to Bálor and he lashed out? You'd only seen a glimpse of his strength in the bar hallway; you could only imagine what he was entirely capable of.

You figured, based on his words before, that when you weren't around he'd allowed Bálor to come out and exist, probably in your own home even. He had said it wasn't always easy to stay human, and he needed a 'reprieve' sometimes. So that meant that Bálor still mattered, still had influence, that Finn couldn't ignore all the time.

"Love." That voice…. That voice was familiar, but not _quite_ the one you were used to. It held that gruff, deep tone you'd heard only a couple times before. There was a sense of authority in this voice; it was the voice of someone who knew they had power that others didn't. It was a being that was used to coming out on top in situations.

"Bálor…."

"Look at me." There was barely any pleasantness in his command, confirming it was who you had addressed.

Opening your eyes, you watched the rise and fall of his torso. Taking in a shuddery breath, you made your decision. You dug your fingers into his abdomen, gripping his shirt, and pulling it out from his pants. There was a deep inhale from him at this action. Slowly, you opened his shirt, working upwards, one button at a time. Your eyes followed your hands' path, up his torso, to his neck.

His neck, where the veins were again prominent, showing the intensity with which he was existing at that moment.

Your task finished, you finally looked straight ahead at him. You had requested to _see_ Balor, and now with his shirt open, you were almost entirely able to.

And every part of him was altered.

You ran your hands back down his chest, his muscles as taught as always, but his skin had a coloring to it that wasn't quite right. It was like his blood was pushing towards the surface, but dulled down in some manner. A flush, really, but his temperature was actually cooler. Finn was like a human furnace to you, but apparently, Bálor was a demon refrigerator.

There were three harsh, jagged diagonal scars just below his pec, on his ribs on the left side. They were about two inches long each. You simultaneously wanted to and didn't want to know where they came from. There was a smattering of smaller scars on him, some lines, some curved, some in shapes you couldn't explain.

Moving your gaze back up, you finally observed his face. The angles were sharper like they had been in the hallway at the bar earlier. His cheeks were sunken in, not in a deathly-ill manner, but enough to make his bone structure more pronounced. There were no laugh lines around his eyes, no creases on his forehead. His eyes, normally so bright and vibrant, were now darkened, with that burnt shade in the center. There was no soul to them, just…indifference.

You resisted the urge to take a step back.

"Tá tú go hálainn." You guessed the words were a compliment, but they were said more as a serious declaration. Searching his eyes didn't reveal any emotion to help you figure it out either.

Finn had spoken in Gaelic to you every so often, usually tiny little phrases or idioms. He mostly did it when he was being sweet, or trying to win you over on something. He had said he never learned the language entirely, and just picked up bits and pieces as he grew up. But now you wondered if he only said that because Bálor seemed to like to speak in the language? If he was a 19thCentury demon, then you presumed the language had been far more popular in his initial time.

His initial time…. _What the fuck_.

This was really…real. Standing before you, wasn't Finn, the man you shared your day to day with, loved beyond a doubt. This person, no, _demon_ , was someone new to you. He had some of the similar physical traits of your boyfriend, but you knew he was wholly different after that. This _thing_ had killed people, a lot of people as far as you knew. Bálor most likely thrived off of anger and chaos and lived selfishly.

The Seven Deadly Sins were probably more like a checklist for him than a cautionary tale.

"Seems unfair, me about to lose a shirt, you still dressed. That must change."

The stare he was giving you made a shiver go down your spine, literally. Finn had moments where he was authoritative, but it was nothing in comparison to Bálor. His fingers dug into your sides, securing the material of your gauzy shirt in his grip. He kept the eye contact as he pulled your clothing upwards, forcing your arms to go with it. The only time you lost sight of him was as your shirt passed over you face. For a moment, he hesitated as your shirt was tangled at your wrists, but with a smirk, he pulled your arms free. You didn't know where in the room your shirt landed. Your bra was gone just as quickly into the void.

"Hálainn." You still didn't know what that word meant, but it seemed you would need to learn given how often he was using it.

Bálor gave you no chance to ask what he'd said however as his mouth went to yours. His kiss was harsh, as he brought one hand up to your face, and onto your neck, taking full control. Your hands sought purchase on the sides of his opened shirt, having no possible way of not letting him do as he pleased. He pressed his other hand into the small of your back, forcing you forward, your breasts pressing into his chest.

When he took your bottom lip between his teeth and pulled back on it teasingly, just shy of painful before letting go, your heart skipped at last ten beats. You cautiously opened your eyes, unsure what you'd find before you.

There was a smile on Bálor's face, and you noticed that some of his teeth were more jagged and pointed, starting with his canines and going back into his mouth. It was such a bizarre feature, and you couldn't look away from it. Gone was the bright, white smile of Finn, replaced with something animalistic and frightening.

"This has been a long time coming, yea? Let's make sure it's worth it."

"Please…just…Finn…."

Bálor ignored your broken thought, placing his mouth on the side of your neck. He sucked on the skin deeply, making your head tilt, and eyes close. He moved both his hands to your sides, and they felt rougher somehow now, though he wasn't touching you any harder than usual. There was just some type of…firmness in his grip, like his fingers were somehow longer, clutching you closer. One hand stayed on your hip as the other went into the space between your bodies, to the front of your shorts. His mouth moved down to your shoulder as you felt your shorts undoing and falling open.

Fingertips were almost instantly on your lower stomach, dragging down into your loosened clothing, beneath the elastic band of your panties, and straight onto your clit.

Your hips moved forward on instinct, your back arching into him, your hands gripping at his shirt even more than before.

"Tá mé ag dul a mhilleadh duit," his words were a growl against your skin, as his fingers bit into the skin of your hip. Somehow you just knew this statement wasn't a compliment; it almost felt like a threat.

There was little time for your brain to dissect the intonation of the words as Bálor's finger moved rhythmically against your lower flesh. Your eyes squeezed shut at all of the feelings that were now coursing through your veins. His mouth was moving across your chest, down onto one of your breasts. What his hand was doing to you was making an electric feeling start to build in you. Goosebumps developed on your skin as he let his other hand trail ever so softly up your side, barely touching you, almost like a whisper against your skin.

The contrast of forceful and soft was making you feel like you'd never felt before.

And then suddenly, it all stopped. Hands and mouth left your body. It took you a moment to catch up and realize what had happened. Opening your eyes, you resisted the urge to glare at the demon. You'd been feeling so _good_ and he'd cut you off.

" _Really_?" The Cheshire smile was immediate.

"Couch," he ordered.

"Why don't we go ups–"

"Did I ask?"

There was no facial expression to go with his response, but one wasn't needed. You were beginning to truly understand that Bálor wasn't about courtesy, and expected to get his way.

"I don't like this, Bálor."

"I think ya do," he challenged, bringing his finger to his mouth and licking it crudely.

Your face flushed at the action, and the heat spread down your neck at the subsequent moan he let out.

"Ya are so ready, willing, _love_." The term of endearment was more mocking than comforting. "And ya want this, want to know me, in the most carnal of ways. So stop trying to be coy and reserved, and get on the couch."

Bálor was kind of a dick, you decided. Though you assumed demons were used to taking without asking, so any resistance was probably not something he was used to handling.

Did Finn know it was going to go this way? You assumed Finn had to know his counterpart was far more brash and quicker to give in to base desires. When Finn had told you to run if needed, did he mean this? Did he mean to not let Bálor have you so vulnerable and unprotected?

"Oh, your sweetheart knew exactly what I would do with ya," Bálor's voice broke into your thoughts. Your eyes snapped to his, confusion swimming on your face. How had he read your mind? The smirk returned to Bálor's face at your look. "One of the many things I'm quite… _adept_ , at."

"You…"

"Me," he taunted, bringing his hand up to your cheek, his thumb pressing firmly onto your chin. " _You_ , mo álainn, need to let go of your worries and let me take care of ya." His grip was unforgiving as he pulled you up into a kiss. "Couch. Now."

You finally did has he demanded, stepping out of your shorts, and walking backward slowly towards the couch. His eyes were on you the entire time, unblinking. As soon as you were there, you stopped, uncertain. His words had been harsh, would his actions be equal?

"Lay down." With a shaky breath, you followed the instructions of the demon. You laid your back on the couch, your head on the armrest. You let your legs go flat, your knees together. In just your panties, you were exposed, and your nerves were beginning to really act up. Finn had warned you to be careful with Bálor, and here you were bending to his every whim. But you worried what would happen if you truly resisted, and did not go along with the demon's demands.

Bálor tilted his head until it almost touched his shoulder, assessing you from across the room. You watched him as he took measured steps towards you, shedding his dress shirt fully, which landed on the coffee table.

"So good to me," he stated, as he reached the couch. "Open your legs." You did as he asked, trying to keep them from shaking as you did. With a fluidity you'd never seen from a human before, Bálor laid himself over you, between your knees. He moved up your body, placing his hands on the armrest, boxing himself above you.

Your breath caught in your lungs as he lowered his head down to your chest, his mouth taking one of your nipples into it. Closing your eyes, you whimpered when his teeth grabbed at your flesh, your hand going up to grab at the back of his head.

Bálor let go of your breast, kissing upwards to your mouth, claiming it with authority. When your tongue grazed his sharpened teeth, you shuddered underneath him. You could feel the smirk of his mouth against yours before he broke the kiss.

"Finn…." His name was a barely a breath from you, just an instinctual moan.

His mouth traveled down your throat to your collarbone, his teeth ever so gently grazing your bone. You moved your hand down, over his head, to the back of his neck.

He felt warm.

Your eyes snapped open, your head lifting up to look down towards the body on top of you. It was hard to tell anything from your view, as his hair had been the same throughout. But apparently, your movement was noticed by him because a second later his own head came up.

Blue eyes met your brown ones.

" _Finn_."

"Darlin'," was his return endearment, before he slid himself back up your body to meet you in a kiss. You brought your hand to his face, holding him close, losing yourself in him. Gone were the strange teeth, the morphed bone structure, the odd coloring of his skin.

Your very human lover was back.

Which meant you'd…you'd almost had sex with a _demon_. No matter that it was technically your boyfriend, probably, maybe? It wasn't Finn. It was another entity, with its own name, personality, characteristics, lifestyle. It was an evil being, and you were a good person. How had you thought it was OK to let it go this far?

Was this cheating? Was it possible to cheat on your boyfriend with another part of your boyfriend?

"Hey…what's wrong?" You came back to the present at Finn's voice, taking in his worried eyes gazing down at you. At some point, you'd gotten lost in your thoughts and stopped responding to his kiss.

"Just…think tonight's catching up to me," you answered. It wasn't a lie, not really. But there was no way you could explain to him the guilt and confusion you were feeling for having almost had sex with Bálor. You loved Finn, he was everything you wanted. But…Bálor had been exciting, in his own way; domineering and hard to ignore.

That didn't give you the right to jump into bed, or rather couch, with him though.

 _Bálor isn't Finn. Finn isn't Bálor. Bálor isn't Finn_ , you kept repeating the mantra in your head.

This was a clusterfuck, there was no way around that.

"I understand."

Your eyes searched his for a second, before scanning over his face. He did look concerned, but also empathetic. Why was he so wonderful? Why didn't he see fault in your actions? Did he even know how willing you'd been to let his counterpart have its way with you?

"Let's just…let's go to sleep, yea?" His offer was genuine, that you could tell. He didn't care that moments ago you'd been locked in a heated physical moment, he only cared that you were OK.

"Yea, I think that's best," you agreed. Finn slid off of you and stood beside the couch, offering his hands to pull you to your own feet. The movement caused air to move across you, and you realized how naked you were. A blush immediately came to your face, your eyes scanning for any piece of your clothing.

Wordlessly, Finn grabbed his dress shirt from the coffee table and held it out to you. You couldn't look at him as you slid it on, closing it immediately and securing it with a few buttons. You were embarrassed to be in such a state, and that it hadn't been Finn to get you there.

As you turned to go towards the stairs, his hand grabbed your elbow, effectively stopping you. You continued to look downward, ashamed with yourself.

"Hey…." Finn's voice was gentle, nonjudgmental. "Look at me, please." Chewing on your lip, you did as he asked, moving your head and eyes up to meet his. "It's OK." The reassurance was so simple, you weren't sure what he was referring to. You hoped it was everything that had gone on, but even then, you didn't fully believe him.

"I don't…." You trailed off, finding it hard to explain anything to Finn in that moment. Tonight had jumbled you beyond belief. Four hours ago life had made sense, and now your life was wholly changed. "Bálor and I…it wasn't…I didn't…."

A small, sympathetic smile came to his face. Leaning forward, he placed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment. Finn wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you against himself. You relished the warmth he was giving off, as you buried your head against his chest, winding your arms around his torso.

"Bálor and I, we are two beings in the same body. When he is…in control, I am still, uh, there. Only a bit, but I never fully go away. I'm always _present_ , sensing off basic emotion and instinct, always ready to stop him before it goes too far. Or at least, try to."

"So you, when I was….?" Your question was left unasked fully. _Oh god_ , you thought as the panic began to set in. Had Finn been therefor all the things you'd done with Bálor? You felt humiliated that Finn had known what you'd let his alter ego do to you, worried he would be upset with you.

"Not entirely, no. But I knew ya weren't in danger." His words were little comfort. "I knew you'd only let things go so far with him, before ya wanted me." So Finn _had_ known what would most likely come from your time with Bálor, and he had allowed it. That just confused you further.

"I will always want you," you affirmed, placing a kiss on his chest, at his heart. "Let's go to bed." He took your cue as you removed your arms, dropping his hold on you. The two of you were quiet as you went upstairs, Finn trailing behind you.

It was just as silent as you both shed the remainder of your clothes; he staying in boxers, you in your panties. You pulled down the covers of your bed, placing yourself in your usual spot, your back to his side. Your body moved with the dip of him climbing onto the mattress, and you were covered as he brought the sheet up over you both. Finn placed himself against your back, securing his arm over your waist, his head behind yours on the pillows.

You were exhausted, mentally and emotionally. But sleep still didn't come easily. You couldn't help but let the day replay over and over in your mind. It had started with just Finn in bed with you. Now it was ending with Finn…and Bálor. Your entire understanding of your life and the world itself had been altered forever. The world you knew was no longer the only world in existence. There were a thousand questions you had, and you were sure you'd only get more over time. You no longer felt like you had any idea how your day would go when you woke up tomorrow. The possibilities were endless.

"Finn?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are there other… _Others_? Like around here?"

"Yes."

"Do they…have I met some of them?"

"…yes." You took in a sharp breath at Finn's confirmation, your eyes widening a bit, your muscles tightening with an immediate fear reaction. "Hey, relax love." He tightened his arm over you, placing a kiss to your shoulder blade. "Like I said before, we aren't _all_ bad. There are _good_ Others, witches and things. And even the ones that…ya know, embrace all the darkness, they won't hurt ya. Not knowing you're with me."

"What does that matter? I don't expect evil beings to have, like, _respect_ or _consideration_."

"Well, it's not so much that," Finn granted. "More that to harm ya would upset me, and more importantly Bálor. They would not risk that retaliation."

"…what would the retaliation be?" You were hesitant asking the question, but you did want to know. What _was_ Bálor capable of? It felt like something you had the right to be privy to. Did he just choke people? Stab them? Beat them? D, all of the above?

"Not nice things," was the answer you got. You were displeased with the vague response. "I know you want to know, but I don't want ya to. At least not now. Just…in time, sweetheart, I promise, I'll tell you. But…tonight…I think you should let this all be enough for tonight."

"Where do we go from here?" It was a loaded question and you knew as such as you asked it.

"We…we live our life," he replied. "You…I'm not holdin' any delusions that tonight doesn't change a lot of things. But, who I am, who I want to be for ya, that hasn't changed. I love ya, always will. And I know…you'll need some time for this to make any type of sense, and you're gonna have questions for a long time. I'll do my best to answer them. Just, I guess, we just take it one day at a time."

"…OK." It wasn't hard to read between the lines with what Finn had just said. What he hadn't said, but what he meant, was he was leaving this up to you, to decide to stay with him or to run away.

Closing your eyes, you moved back a bit into his hold, placing your hand atop his on your stomach, linking your fingers together. Finn felt right against you, and it was easy to let yourself get lost in that feeling. This made sense to you, this was the life you were used to living.

You too didn't hold any delusions that your lives wouldn't be different going forward. But if the majority of your days could feel just like this moment, then you'd be just fine.

 _And I want to go deeper, down with you._  
 _So pull me beneath the surface._  
 _Even if it hurts, I want your heart._  
 _Even at your worst, I love you hard._


	3. Author Note

First order of business when I start summer break next week:

Finish Part 3 of 'Can't Escape Myself' aka Demon!Finn.

I just reviewed what I have already written (2875 words) and it wouldn't take much to finish it up.

So get ready for that.


	4. Teaser

**A little tease of what's almost to come...**

* * *

Sometimes you honestly felt like Finn was just messing with you, seeing what outlandish things he could get you to believe. Your disbelief was always followed up by a Facetime call to his parents, and his mother confirmed the truth of his information every time.

You trusted his mother to not lie to you. She'd always been kind to you, and you had built a good rapport with her over the years. When Finn had told them you knew, truly knew, her reaction had surprised you. She had expressed relief. Relief that Finn no longer had to worry about keeping his secrets from you. Relief that he could talk to you, confide in you, fully and truly. Relief that you seemed to be accepting of it, and weren't running off.

His dad had kind of just shrugged during that initial conversation before stating, "Hope ya have better luck makin' sense of it all than me. Four-hundred years in, still confused."

Finn and his mother had laughed heartily. You had just sort of huffed and smiled weakly.

Inside, you were worried. You knew he was joking, but there was always truth in jokes. If his father had been doing this for so many years, and still had questions and struggles, what hope did you have?


	5. Chapter 3

_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more than any time before  
I have no options left again  
I don't want to be the one the battles always choose  
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused_

Five months.

Five months since that fateful night where you'd met Bálor officially.

You had learned a lot in that time. Every other day seemed to bring at least one conversation, typically more, about the Others and their world and what you had been blind to as a human. You couldn't help your curiosity. Thankfully, Finn was as patient as ever with you.

There'd been many lessons on the existence of creatures you'd only ever heard about before as mythical. Centaurs. Werewolves. Nymphs. Banshees. Mind readers, or as Finn kept politically-correcting you, empaths. Good beings, evil beings, unaligned beings. The powers so many possessed, ranging from the ability to morph their physical appearances to teleporting through space and time.

You had learned that the Salem Witch Trials actually came not even a hundred years after the _rule change_ , and that many of those women had been good witches. Good witches that lived in an unaccepting society.

If felt like some weird hybrid of Harry Potter, Supernatural, and every fairy tale ever had turned out to be real.

Sometimes you honestly felt like Finn was just messing with you, seeing what outlandish things he could get you to believe. Your disbelief was always followed up by a Facetime call to his parents, and his mother confirmed the truth of his information every time.

You trusted his mother to not lie to you. She'd always been kind to you, and you had built a good rapport with her over the years. When Finn had told them you knew, truly _knew_ , her reaction had surprised you. She had expressed relief. Relief that Finn no longer had to worry about keeping his secrets from you. Relief that he could talk to you, confide in you, fully and truly. Relief that you seemed to be accepting of it, and weren't running off.

His dad had kind of just shrugged during that initial conversation before stating, "Hope ya have better luck makin' sense of it all than me. Four-hundred years in, still confused."

Finn and his mother had laughed heartily. You had just sort of huffed and smiled weakly.

Inside, you were worried. You knew he was joking, but there was always truth in jokes. If his father had been doing this for so many years, and still had questions and struggles, what hope did you have?

During one discussion with Finn, you'd just come right out and asked if there was some type of book, an encyclopedia, _something_ that housed all of the information from The Others' world. You figured it would be easier on all involved if you could just read the information at your leisure versus quizzing Finn at random. He'd told you there were of course books out there, but he didn't have any access to any at the time.

Why couldn't there just be an Others' Wikipedia, and be done with it?

So here you were, far more informed, but almost just as clueless as when all this started five months ago.

Currently, you were working on your make-up in your bathroom. Finn had told you earlier you were going out tonight. He had been vague in explaining your destination, only saying you were meeting one of his friends and to be prepared to learn a lot more about his life.

To no one's surprise probably, his words had put you a bit more on edge than usual. It was one thing to have conversations about Others in the comfort of your home; it was quite another to face the real world implications.

"Almost ready, love?"

Finn's voice startled you, and thankfully you were putting on eyeshadow and not eyeliner or else you would have injured yourself probably. You watched in the mirror as he appeared behind you, leaning himself in the doorway.

"Getting there," you answered, returning to the task at hand. "Do we need to leave soon?"

"Planned to be at the place about an hour from now, and takes about thirty to drive there," Finn explained. "So you're OK if you keep on with this."

"Good to know," was your slightly sarcastic response. You knew Finn was typically a stickler for being on time, so you held back some of your annoyance at his questioning. You knew you'd finish up in time for what he had planned.

Sure enough with time to spare, you were seated in the front of the car Finn was driving. There was no talking between the two of you as he drove through one of the cities of Florida. And when you parked at a rather normal looking – read "inconspicuous" – building, you didn't feel the need to speak.

Finn turned off and exited the car, you following suit. When you met at the front of the vehicle, he took your hand in his, entwining your fingers as you walked up to the establishment.

"Do ya see that circle there? Beneath the building number?"

"Is that a snake? And is it…eating itself?"

"It is," Finn confirmed. "It's called a ouroboros."

"…don't ever expect me to say that correctly," you replied, making him chuckle.

"Just know that it represents a place that everyone can come to, with no problems," he explained. You looked at him curiously, waiting for this Others' lesson to continue. "When everythin' changed all those years ago, part of the deal with lettin' everyone choose to follow the evil or the good, was that there'd be some places that were off limits for war and destruction and conflict. That symbol marks those places."

"So, this is like Switzerland?"

"Sure, somethin' like that," Finn agreed, good-naturedly. "And when we go in, there's goin' to be another room in the back with the door shut. That symbol will be there too. That room is meant only _for_ Others, and those they bring, so anything can be discussed without humans overhearing."

"How many places like this are there?"

"Dunno," he shrugged. "Most big cities have 'em around the world I've found."

"So…who owns it then? Others?"

"Most of them, but not all," Finn replied. "There are good humans in this world, who know and understand, that aren't scared or worried about it all."

For some reason that felt like a bit of a dig at you. You _were_ trying to be supportive and accepting, but you couldn't help but be weary of what you didn't know. Five months ago you'd only known one way of life and the world. Now you were attempting to learn about thousands of years of history of an entire Other world's existence. And a good chunk of that was negative and evil and scary. No one could blame you for struggling.

Except you felt like Finn was sometimes.

You felt like sometimes Finn was annoyed you didn't believe him, asked question after question, required some type of reassurance from his parents. You weren't purposefully trying to be skeptical or difficult, but sometimes it was really hard for you to wrap your brain around certain bits of information.

Every now and then you didn't feel like Finn was appreciating how hard this was for you, and how hard you were working to be OK with it all.

"C'mon," Finn broke you from your thoughts, opening the door, allowing you to walk in ahead of him.

It was large on the inside, with an area full of tables straight ahead. To your left were a few steps, which lead up into another seating area and the bar. There were several groups of people, music playing loudly, drinks flowing. It felt like any other bar you'd ever been in.

Finn took the lead, guiding you through the lower level, towards the back. After so many feet, you found yourself near the bathrooms and the kitchen. There was an open doorway, which led into a room that housed pool tables, arcade games, and other entertainment.

Finn bypassed this, and instead went down the hallway beside it, and that was where you came upon the Other door he had spoken of. On the door itself was a sign that said 'Employees Only', but the ouroboros was clear as day beneath it.

Your eyes scanned the room as you stepped in behind Finn. It had its own bar along with tables and booths along the wall. There was a pool table and a dart board on the wall. It essentially just looked like just another room of the bar behind you.

As you looked over the patrons, you attempted to find the person Finn had alluded to you meeting that night. Another Other. You tried hard to keep your breathing level and hold in any shock as you realized that many of the…beings in the room weren't in their human form, but rather were presenting as their true selves. You were guessing at best, but you were pretty sure you saw a vampire and a fairy of some kind.

And then you saw him. Someone you knew from everyday life. A man you'd spent plenty of time with and around given his long-standing friendship with Finn.

Noam.

You couldn't help that your breath caught in your chest as you realized what seeing him here meant. Noam wasn't a human being like you. He was… _something_ , though you didn't know what.

"C'mon, this way," Finn's voice broke into your rising panic, apparently as he had spotted his friend as well. Your hand instinctively tightened in Finn's, your feet staying planted.

"Finn…." He stopped in his forward motion to go to his friend, turning his head towards you. Your widened eyes met his gaze, as your brain tried to formulate coherent sentences to match your thoughts.

"Hey, _it's ok_." Finn's words were little comfort to you.

It wasn't OK, not to you. This was so much to take in and understand in one night. And what was Noam anyways? Another Demon? Something worse? You'd seen him in the ring, he was pretty destructive in his behaviors. Noam had never been negative towards you. Maybe a little pushy and abrasive but not **mean**. Did he align with the evil ways of living?

Or was he something good? A counterpart to Finn's…counterpart? Maybe an Elf or an Angel. Something that didn't believe in the benefits of pain and destruction.

Would his façade, whatever it was, be rendered unnecessary now that the truth was out? How different would he be towards you? The possibilities were truly endless.

You had never seen this coming.

"Finn, I don't know…. Does he…. What…." Despite your best efforts, you couldn't get your thoughts out in full sentences. But you also knew Finn would understand, and get the gist of your words. Your confusion and incoherence was a familiar trait as you had learned more about The Others.

Finn turned fully towards you, stepping close, putting his forehead to yours. Your eyes immediately closed at the action, your breath matching up to his.

"It's **OK** ," he repeated with conviction, his voice quiet. "Noam knows this isn't easy on ya. He asked for tonight, wanted you to know."

"Why?"

"Thought it might help ya, ya know, see it as more normal, just another part of life. He just…I kinda talked to him a bit about all this, and he thought maybe having someone else to talk with would…give you an easier time with it all."

Most of you was appreciative that Finn was trying to make this world-change easier on you, but a small bit of you was a tiny bit offended he was talking to his friends about you.

And jealous.

You were jealous he could talk to his friends about how hard it was watching you learn about The Others. You had no such ability. You couldn't exactly call up your coworker and say 'Hey, guess what? My boyfriend's a demon, and all those mythical creatures you've heard about, yea, they're real'. You had no outlet, no sounding board, outside of Finn and his parents.

Maybe Noam was on to something….

"OK," you acquiesced quietly. Your eyes didn't open until Finn finished laying a kiss to your head and was standing apart from you again.

This time you followed after him without stopping, finally reaching the table where the Scottish man sat.

It brought you some type of relief to see the empty beer bottle in front of him, the label having been picked at. Noam was revealing a big secret to you, and that couldn't be easy for him, just as it wasn't easy for you to accept it immediately.

Noam stood up, greeting Finn both verbally and nonverbally, with what was commonly called a 'bro-hug'. When they released one another, the Scottish man turned to you, and seemed to hesitate for a moment. You did the same. And then you went to extend your hand for a handshake, while he seemed to step closer as if to hug you. While you put your hand down then, Noam realized what you were going for, and stood awkwardly, with his arms slightly in the air. After taking in a small breath, blowing it out in a slight huff of a laugh, you stepped forward and put your arms around him, as his encased you with his.

This was still Noam, the Noam that you knew and had had drinks with before, the Noam that had told you embarrassing stories about Finn, the Noam that had slept over in your guest room after a few too many. There was no need for this to be as awkward as you were both making it.

Yes, it was _big_ but it wasn't going to break either of you.

"Welcome to our bar," he stated lowly, as you hugged.

"Didn't expect you," was your response. "Not unpleased though."

"Gosh, thanks," Noam responded with sarcasm, as you let go of one another. Finn pulled out the chair closest to you for you, as he took the one beside it. Noam resumed his seat across the table, immediately picking up his beer and taking a swig.

Tonight was shaping up to be _something_.


End file.
